And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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