I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can't motorboat a personality
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
