Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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