i wish peter jackson would direct porn
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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