I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
