When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
