They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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