Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
