Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
