Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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