I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think i have two assholes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
