the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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