Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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