Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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