Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
