Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
