we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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