he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
