so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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