Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.