She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit