Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

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(716): View more from New York

You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.

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(512): View more from Texas

I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.

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(912): View more from Georgia

You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(667): View more from Maryland

what customs doesn't know wont hurt them

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(217): View more from Illinois

he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...

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(845): View more from New York

You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?

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