apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
