I love black thongs
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world