Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.