I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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