we made out on top of his cat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
