I CAN MOONWALK!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
