I wannas sexs uuuuu
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
