yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
