You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
