Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
