Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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