"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
