And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
