there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
