Having a random hookup so left but love u
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
