Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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