and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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