Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
