just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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