My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
