nut hugger
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
