Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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