There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
