The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
