So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
