My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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