Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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