After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
