I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
