i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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