he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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