I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
