If that was your dad, he is hot
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
