is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
