I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize