I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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