forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize