im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
