just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
