I heard we made out
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
