i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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