I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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