I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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