Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Its about making memories worth repressing
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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