Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
