I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
