you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize