Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
